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Why Someone Wouldn’t Kiss Up

June 11, 2013

My wife long ago noted that I don’t kiss up to people, and for some reason I had a hard time explaining why. But recently reading that expectations are what cause almost all of our pain, this gave me a way to articulate it.

I don’t kiss up to others (in authority) because it creates an expectation of some reward, and I’ll tend to be impatient, and then terribly let down if it doesn’t work. Plus, I know I’m not good at charming people like that, and also feel it’s “using” people in an ulterior fashion, and would be found out and rebuffed anyway. (Inferior extraverted Feeling). Even if that wasn’t a problem, people will screw you even if it seems you have won their favor.

This I learned about myself from my parents, when being put on some kind of punishment (especially “No TV!), and having to please them to get off of it or have it shortened, and being impatient and eagerly waiting, but told not yet. I came to hate having to depend on someone else’s “good graces” like that.
In terms of temperament, while the Supine [INP] naturally aims to please, the Choleric [NT] wants to be brought under nobody’s control like that. (I originally wrote this for a type discussion regarding ESTJ’s, who had mixed results regarding this practice. They are part “Choleric” also: the EST; yet the “cooperative” SJ {Melancholic} part may or may not go for that, depending on the situation).

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